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Bobby and I and what happened. Chapter 9: Tears |
The last time I was with Bobby she held me tight in
her arms as if she never wanted to let go. Come away with me, she
said.  Where will we live? I said. I have a place in Knightsbridge,
Bobby replied, we can live there. Why do you think I’m down here if
it’s not for you? I can’t, I said, I have a child, I can’t leave
her. Go
and get her now, she said, I’ll look after both of you. You won’t
have to worry about anything any more, I’ll take care of you both.
But there were many other difficulties in Bobby’s life and I
couldn’t take the chance, especially with a child. I can’t, I said.
If my husband finds out he will find us, and any of the women he is
sleeping with will say they will look after her, just to keep him,
and I’ll lose my child. Bobby was angry and upset and I couldn’t
deal with it. It seemed to me at the time that there was no way out.
 You must go away, Bobby, I said. It’s hopeless, it just can’t work.
Bobby was a tough cookie as they say but as she turned away I saw
tears in her eyes which I will never forget. And I said goodbye. I
saw her briefly once more after that, at the top of Portobello Road.
I had saved up and bought her a ring so that she would not forget
me, and I hoped the memory of my love would keep her safe. Bobby was
still angry and said: I’ll give it to a woman friend of mine.
Remember that I was seeing Bobby as masculine at the time and did
not know that Bobby was talking about herself, and I felt hurt, and
I could see that Bobby was sorry she had hurt me, because she knew
that I didn’t understand, and I said goodbye again. That was the
last time I saw her, but I always hoped she would come back. Eleven
years later she was dead, but I went on asking where she was and if
anyone had seen her for another eighteen years. In November 2005 I
found out the awful truth. Chapter 10:
Final goodbye |
| Picture: top of Portobello Road. |
| Contents How I found out. 1 London W11 in the 70s. 1 |
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